Olga, 47, and Ernesto, 49, are sitting in my therapy room because their son Nacho, 15, has asked them for psychological help and they don’t understand why. According to them, Nacho is a happy boy with his “teenage things” and his “growing pains,” according to his mother, and they ignore his bad mood and irritability of the last few days. They think it is “normal,” but what if it isn’t? The question is that involved parents can help to return to “normality.”
What are the symptoms of depression in a teenager?
Although it may seem that the teenage depression It is easy to detect, the truth is that its signs and symptoms are not always very obvious. To begin with, young people are not usually sad but rather irritable, angry or restlessHowever, many parents confuse these latter symptoms with bad mood or rebellion, but longer-lasting changes in personality, mood or behavior are warning signs that something is not working and there may be a deeper problem.
Among these symptoms, we find:
- Sadness, with profuse crying, hopelessness.
- Irritability, anger, hostility.
- They withdraw from family and friends.
- Loss of interest in pleasant, everyday activities.
- Decreased academic performance.
- Changes in eating and sleeping patterns.
- Concern.
- Feelings of worthlessness and guilt.
- Lack of enthusiasm or motivation.
- Difficulty concentrating.
- Unexplained pain and discomfort.
- Suicidal thoughts.
What are the signs that warn us of possible suicidal behavior?
There is an alarming and growing number of attempts to teenage suicide Therefore any type of suicidal thoughts must be taken very seriously. If, in addition, it is a teenager who abuses alcohol or drugs, increases the suicide risk.
Therefore, parents should closely monitor any signs of suicidal thoughts and, above all, take into account the warning signs, such as:
- If your child frequently talks or jokes about suicide.
- If you say things like “I would be better off dead”, “if I disappeared, nothing would happen”, “there is no way out”, “I have no future”…
- If you talk romantically about death, for example, “if I died, people would love me more.”
- If you write stories about death, suicide or dying.
- If you engage in reckless behavior or have many accidents that always end in injuries.
- He begins to give away his things to his siblings, cousins and friends.
- He says goodbye to family and friends as if it were the last time.
- On your computer or mobile phone there is a history of websites where you have searched for how to obtain medicines, toxins or weapons.
As parents, you cannot ignore that your child has a problem called depressionwhich cannot be left untreated, hoping that the symptoms will “disappear”. It is a common thought in many families who, after a few sessions, consider that it is no longer necessary to your son continues in therapybecause «it will pass» but it is not like that. In case of doubt that If your child is depressed, go to a child and adolescent psychologist.
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Tips for parents who want to talk to their child with depression and don't know how to do it
- Listen without judgingIt is important that when you talk to your child, you make it clear that you are there to help him unconditionally, without judging him, without criticizing him. He should not feel that you are giving him a “lecture”.
- Respect and persistence. Your child may initially shut down because it is very difficult to talk about it with a teenager and he may find it difficult to express his feelings. I respect and willingness to listen.
- Recognize your feelingsEven if you say, “Things aren’t as bad as they seem,” with the best of intentions, your child will understand that you don’t take his emotions seriously. In order for him to feel understood, you must acknowledge his sadness and pain.
- Seek professional help. On many occasions, your child will tell you “there is nothing wrong” or “I am fine”; however, you can observe the symptoms of depression or even recurrent verbalizations of suicidal thoughts. In this case, seek professional help. At we offer an initial session free of charge to make the referral to the adolescent psychologist most suitable.
Guidelines for parents
- Prioritize talk time. Find a time to talk to your child every day, focus that time on conversation, avoiding multitasking or distracting tasks.
- Do social activities. Avoid social isolation of your child. Organize activities with family or friends that he or she may find enjoyable and engaging.
- Motivate him. Find out what their area of interest is; sports, dance, music, painting, video games or anything else. Help them lean towards activities, classes or courses in these specialties that will help them feel better.
- Exercise. Releasing endorphins will make you feel good. It is recommended that you do sports for at least an hour once a week to start with.
- Don't overdo it with the computer or mobile phone. Teenagers with depression often use social media to escape from a reality, their own, that they dislike and flee to shop windows where, apparently, everything is happiness. It is necessary to limit, without imposing, the number of hours spent immersed in them, especially to avoid other harm.
- Healthy food. It should be nutritious, balanced, with quality proteins and fresh products.
- Sleep guidelines. Teenagers need more sleep than adults to function optimally, so the ideal is between 8-10 hours.
Does my child need a psychologist?
Image from the series In Treatment, which deals with the suicide attempts of a teenager
In principle, if the depression If the symptoms above are present, there is school absenteeism because of it, it gets worse throughout the day, there are major bouts of irritability,… you will need professional help from a child and adolescent psychologist. After a first session with you and your child and a psychological evaluation, The doctor will confirm or rule out the existence of depression in the feedback interview. He will also tell you whether a referral to psychiatry is necessary.
However, you as parents must follow some guidelines. Guidelines for seeking professional help:
- Explain treatment options to your child. In order for your child to be motivated and interested in therapy, it will be necessary that, after receiving the information from the psychologistyou present it to your child in a relaxed atmosphere at home, without ignoring his preferences. This does not mean that he makes the final decision, but that his opinion is taken into account.
- Pharmacological treatment. If your child has suicidal thoughts or engages in self-harming or heteroaggressive behavior, medication may be indicated, which the psychiatrist will confirm, but always within a broader treatment plan that includes psychotherapy.
- Warnings regarding antidepressants. Call the doctor if your child takes an antidepressant and notices: increased suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, worsening depression, agitation, panic attacks, insomnia, worsening irritability, aggressive or violent behavior, acting on dangerous impulses, mania, or other unusual changes in behavior.
How parents and siblings should take care of a teenager with depression
- Find a support systemAs parents, you need help and support because you can't do everything yourself, as it would be too exhausting and the results would be disastrous. Therefore, it is appropriate to find a good support system that allows you to remain healthy and positive while helping your child.
- Let the emotions flow. If you feel overwhelmed, sad, frustrated, helpless, and even angry, it is logical and “normal” to find someone you can talk to; friends, family, or even Go to a psychologist yourselves to express all these feelings.
- Take care of your health. Your child's depression will cause you stress or anxiety which can affect your mood. It is essential to have a good diet, a correct sleep pattern and leisure activities.
- Talk about depression at home. It often happens that, in order to “protect” the other children, the depression is made to seem like it doesn’t exist and it is not talked about at home. This does not prevent the siblings from realizing that something bad is happening. Therefore, you should Talking openly about depressionallowing siblings to ask questions about what they can or cannot do or say.
- Taking care of siblings. Your child's depression can cause, as I've already said, anxiety or stress in siblings. It's your job not to ignore them, not to tell them that they're «jealous» and to realize that they, too, may need professional help to know how to deal with the situation.
- Depression is nobody's fault. Just as we would not dream of saying that appendicitis is the fault of the patient, their parents or siblings or the doctor, avoid the “blame game” because it will only lead to more stress and more anxiety.
Why choose
- We have been leaders in online psychological care since 2012.
- First informational appointment free.
- Online therapy from 40 euros per session.
- Team of senior psychologists, with decades of experience.
- All the therapy we offer is via videoconference. 100% confidential.
- The same psychologist will attend to you throughout the treatment.
- At you do not lose the money for the sessions. If you cannot connect or are not there, the session is postponed to another day.
- Attention in Spanish, English and Catalan.