Toxic people: most common profiles and how to overcome them – Online Psychologists

Last week we introduced the problem of toxic people and what happens when this situation occurs in relationships. Have you already read How to identify toxic relationships and some advice from psychologist Dolors Mas to solve it?

Today we delve into toxic people and the most common types we can encounter. And remember, if you find yourself in a similar situation that generates conflicts that you are unable to address, go to a psychologist the sooner you can avoid future, larger problems.

Diana is a professional with a long career who receives a call offering her a complementary job… She wonders why she wouldn’t accept it; good working environment, a team that is apparently professional and interesting on a human level, and Isaac, a boss who likes to call himself “coordinator”… Diana shows her talent and the atmosphere begins to become intoxicated; three months later, she no longer works with them.

As explained in the first part of this article, A toxic person is someone who, in interpersonal relationships, wears down, intimidates, objectifies others, blames them, and belittles them.

On this occasion, we are going to see that there are different types of “toxic” people, each of which uses a different mechanism of action and what we can do, how we can behave, how Diana in the case presented should have done it, in order not to be “overwhelmed” by them.

We must surround ourselves with a favorable environment, but this is not so easy, since we must know how to choose the people with whom we share our time, because this influences our personal or professional development. And if we choose a “toxic” person by mistake, it prevents or limits this growth.

For example, we have all had the feeling of being “exhausted” or “worn out” after a professional meeting or a family gathering. These are the people who are “toxic” to us and it is important to start recognizing them.

Because, many times, we complain about someone's behavior towards us, but we don't end the relationship. On the contrary, over time, we end up adopting some of these people's attitudes, without realizing that we are more negative than before.

There are some relationships we can't choose like family, but we can define the way in which we relate, how much contact or relationship we want to have. “Healthy” people bring us well-being because contact with them makes us feel more energetic, self-esteem or motivated.

They are the ones who complain when things go wrong and when things go right. They have learned to make complaining a habit and, because of this, they are always angry.

Intimidating, offensive, insecure, aggressive as such.

What to do: The easiest thing to do is ignore it. However, there are assertive techniques such as the broken record technique, which consists of systematically answering with “okay,” or “agree,” or “I’m not interested.”

He is the one who believes that when things go well for him it is due to his own merits, and when things go badly for him, it is due to the demerits of others.

He is always comparing himself to someone; “the neighbour who has a better car, Luis who has gone to live in a penthouse in a luxury area, Marta who has gone on holiday to Ibiza…” When he thinks that he cannot achieve something he wants, he feels deep anguish. And then he disqualifies those who do have it because he calms his anguish by seeing the other person in a bad light.

What to do: not tell everyone about the good things that happen to us, but choose those who we know will be happy for and with us.

The “toxic” person on the rise. He incites fear in his subordinates, whom he likes to call “team members” but needs to feel in control.

What to do: If we know that this person is not authoritarian and that, perhaps, he or she is having a bad day, we should admit that we all need caresses and praise. However, if it continues for a long time, we should have a conversation with him or her, which, if it is not fruitful, should make him or her reconsider the possibility of walking away in view of the risk to his or her emotional health.

First of all, we should admit it; toxic friends are those who claim to be your friend, but their actions hurt because their behavior is not that of a friend. You can recognize them by the following characteristics:

The most important thing we must do to “detox” ourselves from these people is:

Communicate effectively, addressing what bothers us about others and the mistakes we ourselves may make.

Maintain a sense of humor. Relieving tension and having fun allows you to respond to the “toxic” person and get the benefit of laughter. Remember that laughter therapy provides many benefits, both direct and indirect.

It is important not to think about the “toxic” all the time, as this only contributes to amplifying it. Obviously, this is harmful. We can use the thought stopping technique consisting of saying “stop! stop now!” or clapping your hands, while adding positive phrases such as “my life is very valuable” or “I am happy”.

It is important to know that “toxic” people do not poison whoever they want, but whoever they can, that is, those who do not set limits, who are not going to say no to them… It is then, and only then, when the “toxic” person is able to enter their circle, taking advantage of the fact that the other person opens the door with complete confidence.

You have to try Turning Anger into Kindness However difficult it may seem, it is the best response to many who act arrogantly in life. The reasons for this way of behaving are, in reality, the insecurity and lack of self-love.

Another way to “detox” It consists of detaching ourselves from any emotion regarding the “toxic” person, for which we will remove them from our lives, we will not worry about them or what happens to them, but we will visualize the fact of leaving them behind.

If there are ongoing conflicts, it may indicate that The “toxic” person is oneself and not the others. That doesn't change things much, because the result is very similar: constant discomfort and difficulties in relating to each other.