Sometimes life decides to test us. It puts us in the path of events and situations that go beyond our capabilities. We have to face illnesses, deaths of loved ones, breakups of relationships and friendships, failures, a global pandemic or a war. The ability to overcome them is called resilience.
These situations can push us to the limit. They make us question whether we are strong enough to overcome them and move on. There are two options: keep going and facing the obstacles that appear in our lives or give up the fight and feel like we have failed.
What is resilience?
According to the Royal Spanish Academy of Language (RAE), resilience is the «human capacity to flexibly assume extreme situations and overcome them.»
To this concept, psychology has decided to add something else. Thanks to resilience, people are able not only to overcome difficult moments or adverse situations, but we can also emerge stronger from them. In other words, overcoming these situations makes us grow on a personal level.
Resilience involves a restructuring of our psychological resources. This modification is made based on the new circumstances that arise and our needs.
Thus, resilient people will be able to overcome the difficulties they have had to live through and, in addition, they will use these situations to learn from them. In this way, they will grow and They will develop their potential and abilities to the maximum to cope with new adversities.
Resilient people don't live a hard life, but rather experience and go through difficult times. They see life in an optimistic way because they know that everything comes and everything goes.
Overcoming adversity will depend on your attitude and the way you decide to face it. That is why resilient people are characterized by their good humor. They make the rest of us wonder how it is possible that, after going through so much and experiencing so much suffering, they face life with a smile.
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What is the origin of the term resilience in psychology?
He was the French neurologist, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and ethologist Boris Cyrulnikwho spread this concept. He made it known through his work “The ugly ducklings”. He extracted the term resilience from the writings of John Bowlbythe author who wrote the “Attachment theory in early childhood”.
In fact, we must go back to the work of John Bowlby to find the first references to the concept of resilience. In this work, it was defined as the capacity that human beings have to overcome periods of emotional pain and adverse situations, emerging stronger from them.
In addition to those already mentioned, multiple authors have spoken about this term. However, each of them from a different perspective:
- “Generic concept that refers to a wide range of risk factors and their relationship with the results of the competition. It may be the product of a conjunction between environmental factors and temperament, and a type of cognitive ability that some children have even when they are very young.” (Osborn1996).
- “Resilience distinguishes two components: resistance to destruction, that is, the ability to protect one's integrity under pressure, and, on the other hand, beyond resistance, the ability to forge positive life behavior despite difficult circumstances.” (Vanistendael1994).
- “Resilience is knowing how to face adversity constructively. Knowing how to adapt flexibly and emerge stronger from the traumatic event.” (Dr. Santos, 2000).
- “We speak of particular domains of resilience to refer to specific forms of resilience, such as social, academic or emotional resilience.” (Marie Anaut).
How can I be more resilient?
People are not born resilient. It is not an innate qualitynor do we inherit it. It is true that there may be a certain genetic tendency that predisposes us to have a “good character”. However, Resilience is something we learn and we develop throughout our lives.
There are those who have always been resilient because they have had the example of someone like their parents or a close role model to follow. On the other hand, there are people who are resilient because life has made them that way, they have learned it along the way.
This makes us see that all people we can be resilientBut with one condition, to be so we have to change some of our habits and beliefs.
Resilient people are createdAs life goes on you change your ways of seeing, thinking and acting in certain situations.
Someone resilient is someone who has had to face and struggle against adverse situations. Events that have made these people fall and get up not only once, but many times.
They are people who They don't give up Despite the seriousness of the situation, they have decided to continue on the brink of the abyss. They have done their best to overcome adversity and have developed the skills necessary to face life's challenges.
What characteristics does a resilient person have?
Resilient people practice the following habits:
- They know what their abilities and limitations are. Knowing how to recognize what you are capable of and where your limits are is essential. The ability to know yourself is a very powerful weapon when facing adversity and challenges. Resilient people know perfectly how to use it to benefit. By knowing themselves perfectly, they can set their goals in a more objective way. They take into account their reality and not just their dreams and needs.
- They are creative. A person with a high capacity for resilience does not spend his time rebuilding something that is in pieces. He is aware that, even if he does, it will never be the same again. Therefore, he will make a mosaic with those pieces and transform it into something beautiful and useful. He always takes the good side out of bad times and painful situations.
- Self-confidence. They are 100% aware of their abilities and limitations. That is why they always believe in what they can do. They do not lose sight of their goals, they fight hard until they reach them because they are sure they can do it. They also recognize the importance of teamwork, they know that sometimes it is necessary to ask for help.
- They take difficulties as a form of learning. Throughout our lives we face numerous situations that can overwhelm us, causing us pain and suffering. However, resilient people have the ability to face these situations and come out of them having learned. They know that you can always learn something from the worst situations and grow as a person. Difficult times are opportunities to change and learn from mistakes made.
- They practice mindfulness. Resilient people have the ability to live in the moment. They accept each and every event they have to live through on a daily basis and face it. For them, the past is already part of yesterday and is not a concern for them. The past is gone. They enjoy the small details of life each and every day. They do not let uncertainty and worries get the better of them.
- They see life objectively. Resilient people are very objective, they know perfectly well what their abilities and weaknesses are. They strive to focus on the positive aspects and enjoy them.
- They try to control their emotions. They will never try to control life situations because they are aware that it is practically impossible. They have learned to deal with uncertainty and feel comfortable despite not having control over things. They focus on changing their emotions when reality cannot be changed.
- They are flexible. They are flexible enough to change their mind or direction when they see that something is not going well. They are not afraid of change because they are always willing to consider other options. They know that there are always many solutions to a problem and they do not have to cling to their objectives.
- They are tenaciousBeing flexible doesn't mean they give up on their goals. They keep fighting to achieve them, but they know there are other ways to achieve them. They are characterized by their perseverance and their ability to fight.
- They face adversity with humor. They are people with a sense of humor. When faced with adversity, they always have a joke. Laughing at your problems makes them less serious. It allows you to focus on the positive aspects.
- They ask for help and seek support from others. When resilient people are going through a difficult time that they know they cannot do alone, they ask for help. They will never be ashamed to ask for support if it helps them overcome their problem as quickly as possible.
As you have been able to observe, resilient people also They ask for help. They turn to their trusted people or a mental health professional if necessary. The main goal of a resilient person is solve adversity as soon as possible. Pride and the “I can do anything” attitude are not always good allies.
Therefore, if you need it, we can help you to be more resilient. At we have been experts in online therapy since 2012. Throughout our career we have helped more than 1,600 patients overcome various emotional problems.
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