Saying what bothers me: is it good or bad? – Online Psychologists

By now you should know that saying what bothers us (always in an appropriate way) is good for several reasons.

When we express something that bothers us, we take out everything we have inside. and we also let that person know what we don't like so that they don't do it again.

However, If we don't express it and we keep it inside, it's most likely that in a fit of anger we'll say it without thinking. and we can start a discussion. Besides, if we don't say it, that person will continue to do things we don't like.

To understand it better let's put an example: Lucía has two roommates and every week one of them has to clean the living room and the bathroom, but Lucía always has to do that, instead of taking turns as they had agreed.

The thing is that Lucia doesn't say it and just does more than snort, repressing his rage, containing his bad mood and frustration in front of her two roommates.

If you feel identified because you tend to keep quiet about things even though they hurt you, you accumulate your anger until you end up feeling rejection towards the one who offends you, you accumulate your anger or you think that others are the ones who should realize what bothers you and not tell them yourself, You are also a person who keeps things to himself until he explodes.

Even though it may be difficult to admit, you have to start to understand when and why you have adopted this attitude of keeping quiet about everything that hurts and bothers you.

You are not clear about what your rights are and you let others take over them consciously or unconsciously.

Always You prioritize the needs of others and forget about your own.as if you care more about others than yourself. You don't make the effort and you almost always end up in uncomfortable situations because You have a hard time saying no when someone asks you for a favor.

You think you are weak and you are not able to do the same things as the people around you. You try to feel recognized and valued by others.

The need to feel integrated in society It makes you not value yourself and do things you don't really want to do. (doing favors when you shouldn't, trying harder than others, offering to do chores instead of others, etc.) to be admitted in your group.

And the worst thing is that since everyone else knows it, They take advantage of you and your good intentions because they know that you will never protest or put a “but” in response. Therefore, this It ends up being an unstoppable vicious circle.

As we have already mentioned, saying what bothers us is beneficial for several reasons:

We have to know that it is not the same to cause discomfort than to hurt. When we say something that we do not like to someone, It may make you uncomfortable or embarrassed, But it's another thing to say it in a bad way and hurt him.

He aim to learn social skills for express what we feel assertively, that is, without aggression and without submission, It is not about gaining the sympathy, good looks and approval of the person we are addressing.

We must learn to express our rights of expression without intentionally causing harm. If it is true that it does not only depend on you, It also depends on how the receiver interprets your message. He may take it in a good way or he may take it very badly and end up saying things that put you in a difficult position.

If the other person expects a good response and you say you don't like them, chances are they will discomfort or disappointment appears on their part.

There are many ways to convey our message to someone and not all of them work in the same way. Flexibility and adaptation to your language and the context in which you are located, you can follow a series of steps:

When we communicate what bothers us we must choose a good moment, We can't say it at any time or in any place. If we do it this way, in a hurry, while we are being interrupted, when the other person is busy, unreceptive or tired, it will be of no use.

If you're going to say what you don't like, Define it in a concrete and precise way, don't start bringing up past issues that bothered you a long time ago. If you do that, so many things will start to come out that it will end up being a cascade of reproaches that will serve no purpose.

You may not be 100% sure, or you may be bothered by something that has no explanation. It is best not to ask questions that tend to blame the other person.

It's not enough to just understand the other person, You must let him know for sure before you criticize him.

If you are humble and try to understand, “If I can understand that…” or “I know that you could think that…”, the other person will most likely listen to you and not avoid you.

Instead of saying everything that bothered you about the other person, Start by explaining how you felt and why.

Suggest an alternative to the other person to improve their behavior. Others may not know how to improve it.

If after reading the article you have questions, our psychologists at will answer them for you.