On many occasions, when a couple is separated The children do not want to go with their father. Here several doubts arise about what to do when this happenssince it is a situation that puts both parties in a compromising position.
When a separation occurs, children find themselves in the middle of an unknown situation that often generates fear. It is necessary to be understanding and understand that, whether we like it or not, we cannot prevent the separation from causing certain pain.
However, there are many ways to manage the separation of parents, and the attitude of the parents can have a great influence.
For example, if each parent uses the time alone with their children to give their opinions about the other, the children may begin to hold a grudge against both the one who criticizes and the one who is criticized. Keep in mind that children have not completed their emotional development. Therefore, if we vent to them, we will be testing their emotional management skills.
In these situations, the child may adopt a flight attitude. Faced with emotional danger, in this case pain, the child may choose to avoid one of the parents with the intention of also avoiding the traumatic events.
Whatever the conditions of the separation, the well-being of the children should be a priority.
What to do when a daughter doesn't want to see her father?
It should be noted that, although the example is given that a daughter does not want to see her father, This is applicable to any situationThat is, it can also apply if you have one child, several, or if the person they don't want to go with is their mother.
This situation can be seen from two points of view:
- My daughter doesn't want to go with her fatherIf you find yourself in this position, the first thing you need to do is have a conversation with your daughter. Listen to her reasons and try to understand what has led her to isolate herself from her father figure. Resentment? Pain?
- My daughter doesn't want to see me. Get in touch with your wife to find out what's going on. Even though you're no longer together, your children are still a shared project and if you're both pulling together, it will be much easier to steer clear. Of course, you should talk about it with respect.
In a conversation of this style it is essential to consider several points:
- The reasons that your daughter does not want to go with her father may be very varied. It can be tried something insignificant or, on the contrary, some seriousness.
- Before you get shocked and draw conclusions for yourself, Sit down and reflectJust because your daughter doesn't want to go with you doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Just like if she doesn't want to go with her father, it doesn't mean she'll suffer being with him.
- You must talk to each otherEven if you are separated, you can ask each other for help in solving the problem. This way you can get information about what is happening and deal with it together.
- If together you come to a conclusion about why he doesn't want to go with his father, put joint measures in placeFor example, if your child finds it difficult to go to a house that is unfamiliar to her, adapt it with a personal object that makes her feel good. Let her see that it is also her home and that she is safe.
- A fundamental element is the empathy. You must put yourself in your daughter's shoes. This way, you will know how she may feel and you will immediately know how to act.
- Be patient. Patience is essential in these processes. If the girl does not want to go with her father every day, it is normal. She has to adapt little by little, without pressure. However, you must prevent her from taking advantage of the situation and manipulating you.
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Why is it important for the two of you to work together in this situation?
It is very important the collaboration of both parents for this to work. Sometimes, the father may feel angry and incomprehensible because he does not know why his daughter does not want to go with him. Having the help of his ex-partner will help him calm down and build up the courage to face the situation. Giving in to anger will only make the situation worse.
If your daughter sees you out of your depth and losing your temper, her decision not to go with you may take longer. You will create insecurity and a state of anxiety in her. for taking her against her will.
You have to transmit security to himmake him see that you are there. It is hard to see a child cry when he is away from his mother because he has to go with you. But you have to understand that It is a natural phase. Your daughter has not stopped loving you. Therefore you should not blame this attitude, but show him that he can count on you too and show her that you are willing to take care of her just as well as your ex-partner.
If you are in the situation of seeing your daughter cry when she has to go with her father, you must also cooperate. When you are in front of her, you must remain firm. Explain things to her as they are. Make it clear to her that her father also loves her and wants the best for her.
You can show your emotionsTeach her that you cry and express yourself too. This way she will also open up and not bottle up her feelings.
Don't victimize yourself because she will feel that she is doing something wrong by going with her father. Your responsibility as a mother is to educate her so that she grows up with both of her parents, conflict free. In this way you will promote their development and well-being.
What if this doesn't work?
You must be clear that just as for you the separation process is hardfor your daughter too. Everything It takes time. A long period of healing. However, if you see that neither you nor your ex-partner are able to cope with it, you can always ask for help.
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