Low self-esteem in adolescence. Causes and consequences – Online Psychologists

Thursday, 3pm. First visit of the afternoon. Jessica, 16, pings the intercom hastily – as usual. She knows that my receptionist is not usually punctual at this time, so I pick up the intercom. “Yes?” “Me!”

As if she had a memorized record of all the 'I's' who come to the consultation. However, I recognize her cheerful voice and wait at the door. I hear her at the end of the corridor having an animated conversation on her smartphone and, although I am not paying attention, it seems to be her boyfriend.

In the short four meters of corridor from the elevator to the door, her mood changes and she comes to me totally desolate, crying: «I am useless, I do everything wrong, it was my fault, it is always my fault, don't you see how fat and ugly I am? Even though she has been losing weight for weeks. Just the same amount of time that the self-esteem Jessica can't stand.

The World Health Organization defines adolescents as people between 12 and 18 years of age. This is a phase in which intense physical, psychological and social changes occur, beginning with puberty and ending with the end of growth.

One in four people aged between 7 and 17 have low self-esteem and admit to suffering from symptoms of post-traumatic stress, anxiety and depression, according to a survey of 25,000 students. More than half of them (51%) say they have very few people they trust. 32% say they sometimes think “I am bad or hopeless”. 28% say “I don’t like who I am”. 23% say “if I were born again, I would like to be different from who I am”. 20% think “I am weaker than others”.

But that's not all. According to the study, 28% of adolescents are restless, with fears and excessive sweating of the palms of their hands, of which 29% claim to have paramnesia and 25% nervousness and even anxiety attacks.

When asked about their self-esteem, 38% say they have “nothing to brag about.” Another 25% say they have unstructured thanatolytic thoughts, while 26% say “I hate myself.” To round out these sad figures, 27% of the study participants confess to being “hopeless and afraid of the future.”

Adolescence is a very complex stage in the life of every person in which self-esteem plays a determining role.

At this stage, interpersonal relationships are essential to develop adequate social competence and, therefore, to have good self-esteem. At the same time, it is essential for young people to feel accepted. That is, to be a member of a social group in order to build their own social identity with which to face the world, to feel part of a group. Adolescents have a high need to be attractive.

It is at this point that if the adolescent does not value himself, he will have difficulties in his social skills, in transmitting the message about himself and will end up modifying the evaluation that the social group makes of said adolescent.

On the other hand, if the teenager has high self-esteem, he or she has more aspirations, more self-confidence and no difficulty in setting goals.

Typically, self-esteem in adolescents – of both sexes – is not high, precisely because it is a very critical period in the life of these people with a very significant effect on their self-esteem. When adolescents do not feel accepted by their group of friends, do not feel attractive – both to themselves and to others – they do not know how to deal with this period, which affects their self-esteem and decreases it. In fact, adolescents with acne problems, excess weight, who think that a friend has disappointed them, betrayed them or has been inconsiderate, quickly lose their self-esteem.

At the same time, it is a period of building one's own identity, of a self that is different from the self of the other. However, if the adolescent has low self-esteem, he will not let his self show, for fear that the self of the other will reject him. In this way, what usually happens is that many adolescents create a first identity based, above all, on the expectations that others have about their self, so that, in this way, the self of the other will accept him in the social group.

It is common that, when I have a teenager in consultation, at one time or another phrases appear like “I am too tall or short”, “I am too thin or fat”, “if I were shorter/taller/thinner/with a smaller nose…I would be happier”.

However, teenagers experience countless physical changes in their bodies, which causes their body image to change – as their body changes – and they do not always like these changes, but their self-image can be damaged.

If you are a teenager in the early years of this stage, your body image is usually closely linked to your self-esteem. And we talk about body image in the way the teenager sees himself physically, if he believes he is attractive to others.

You may think that you should change your appearance to be accepted by others, but in reality, that is not the case. What you need to change is how you perceive yourself, in your entirety, including your appearance. And, most importantly, what you believe about yourself.

Some guidelines to improve your self-esteem.

Your body is yours. The most important thing is that you are healthy, that you can do things, that you have dreams… If you don't like your height and your growth period hasn't finished yet, don't be so impatient and wait. But if it has finished, then focus on other things because it's something that has no solution. On the other hand, if you think you have problems with your weight, go to a specialist doctor who, if necessary, will refer you to a nutritionist to go on a diet. This requires patience and, above all, effort. If you are not willing to make this effort, remember that, at the end of the day, the most important thing is to accept yourself and be happy.

Be realistic. Continuing with what was said above, look at which aspects of your body image you can change and which you can't. Remember that perfect people don't exist and that you must learn to accept the imperfections of your body because that is what makes you unique and original.

Objectives and goals. Set short, medium and long-term goals. Create intermediate goals that are achievable and easy to achieve to maintain motivation and rely on the necessary specialists to help you achieve them. If a psychologist is needed, then why not?

Don't criticize yourself. Focus on your unique and interesting aspects to avoid lowering your self-esteem.

You also build your own self-esteem. Concentrate, every day, on your positive aspects, on everything that reinforces your self-esteem.

However, it is not always easy to deal with low self-esteem and body image issues, so many teenagers can end up immersed in a depressive or eating disorder, and some even end up abusing toxic substances, whether alcohol or drugs, as a way of escaping reality.

Do you feel like this? First of all, it may be useful to talk to your father/mother or any other adult you trust and know will always support you. Many teenagers, when they come to the consultation, say that they have spoken to a friend “who is like my psychologist” but who does things that psychologists don’t do, such as saying “this is all nonsense”, “let’s go to a party and it will go away”, “well, you are a bit like that”.

Therefore, if your self-esteem and body image are becoming a problem, my advice is to go to a psychologist (it can be a online psychologist) that helps you put your problems into perspective, that helps you see your strengths and not just your weaknesses and develop a less negative way of thinking.

Media. Teenagers often compare themselves to “idols” that they find in the media: actors, footballers, TV show participants, YouTubers, Instagrammers… People who use these media professionally, and teenagers often don’t know how to distinguish between an “image” and the real day-to-day life of these “celebrities”, which doesn’t have to coincide with what they see on TV or the Internet.

Family. It may happen that within the family, diets are being followed or the appearance of the child is being criticised. “Why don’t you fix your hair? Those trousers look awful on you, where are you going looking like that, you don’t think you’ll go out like that?” Comments that negatively influence the self-esteem of teenagers, and even more so if they are hypersensitive.

It is very important that the teenager's family does not belittle any of his or her concerns – no matter how insignificant they may seem – because this is the only way to build healthy self-esteem. Parents must understand that, in most cases – although not always – concerns about body image are temporary and, therefore, it is important that they go through this stage without having internal conflicts.

School. Teenagers may be subject to negative comments and hurtful teasing from their classmates and even from some members of their social group. These comments have a profound effect on self-esteem.

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