There is a lot of debate about whether or not to get back together with an ex-partner. There are those who think that second chances are never good and those who do believe in second chances.
It is very common for someone to think about getting back together with a past love. If the relationship ended for different reasons, but it was nice and romantic, it is normal that at some point we will think about resuming that relationship.
Seeing our partner again: mixed feelings
We humans are addicted to illusions and to getting hooked on memories. The fact that, with the passage of time, good times prevail and rough edges are smoothed out, fuels those romantic fantasies with the 'old ghosts of the past'.
When we start to remember past relationships we begin to obsess, to look for photographs and imagine ourselves with that person in that place and to fantasize about similar things. A thought that at first glance seems harmless but it can cause our brain to activate areas that make us remember what we felt at that moment.
This is more common to happen when people are not doing well in the present.they begin to imagine past situations in which they were happy.
Meeting our ex-partner in a bar or on the street can make us remember those emotions we felt in the past when we were with that person, something that It causes a reactivation of our body and mind that unconsciously makes us remember all the situations we have experienced. In addition, the mirror effect of neurons appears, which produces a feeling of comfort, of “coming home”.
Apart from making us remember happy situations, It also reminds us of the person we were at that time. Maybe we have changed now and we miss the person we were.
The disappointment of getting back in touch
People are not the same throughout their lives. Maturity and the difficult situations we have gone through make us the person we are today. It is clear that we are not the same as we were five years ago.
The same thing happens with exes. When we get back in touch with our ex-partner, we have the memory of what it was like a few years ago. and in reality this may not be the case.
We want it to be the same as it was before, to make us happy, to have the same character and the same hobbies, When this does not happen, disappointment appears.
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Is it a good idea to get back together with your ex?
The truth is that there are people who do not believe in second chances because they think that if they have already tried once and it went wrong, it is because they were not the right person. This is false, it may be that it did not work due to circumstances, because the person at that time was different than they are now or any other factor. People change over time and sometimes it is the moment that fails.
If we are single, the perfect conditions exist and the circumstances that caused us to break up have changed, then we can get back together with our ex. To do this, there must be communication and thus reach an agreement and resolve those conflicts that caused the breakup. Even though we want to get back with our ex, if we don't talk things over and forgive from the heart, we won't be able to move forward.
There are different types of breakups. It is clear that we do not want to go back to a person who hurt us and treated us badly, but we do want to go back to a person who treated us well. It may be that the relationship ended for different reasons and the first thing to do is to talk about it.
Getting back with your ex is like trying to put together a broken puzzle; some pieces fit back together, but the picture will never be the same.
Positive factors when it comes to reconciling with our ex
- The first thing is recognize the mistakes made in the past in order to resolve them and so that they do not happen again. If we get back with our ex-partner and make the same mistakes again, it will not help.
- Apart from recognizing the mistakes, we also have to see the positive things in the couple.
- If after talking about the problems, there is a specific one that persists despite having tried everything, it is best to go to a specialist. In The first online therapy session is free.
- People change and that is why, if we want to get back with our ex-partner, we must leave some time to get to know each other again.
- One has to support each other.
Negative factors that do not help us reconcile with our ex
- Thinking that time heals everything It's a mistake. If we want to get back with our ex, we have to see and improve the problems that existed in the relationship. Otherwise, negative feelings will appear at any moment.
- Having sex to forget your problems and thus try to reconcile. It is true that they are an important part, but we must know that they do not provide any solution. Things must be discussed.
- We can't to stay with past feelings. As I mentioned earlier, people change and we may focus on past emotions that are not our current ones. We need to self-evaluate to see if we still love each other or not.
- Believing that any type of problem can be overcome. If the problems that led to the breakup were severe and damaged trust, such as infidelity, it is common that trust cannot be easily restored. It is advisable to find a therapist to help you.
Although getting back together with our ex-partner is becoming more and more common, this does not always lead to a good outcome. According to studies, only 1 in 20 couples manage to return to a solid and stable relationship.but this figure depends greatly on each couple.
Psychologist Serrano-Rosa emphasizes the importance of starting a relationship “with the best version of oneself, without shortcomings that push us to unload our needs on the other.”
Are you thinking about getting back with your ex and don't know how? Our team of psychologists will help you. At we have been experts in online therapy since 2012. Throughout our career we have helped more than 2,000 patients overcome various emotional problems. If you are interested in seeking the help of an online psychologist, you can request a free first session by clicking on the button below.
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