«It is used to refer to someone who only feels sexual attraction for someone with whom they have an emotional bond.» This is how the RAE defines it in an informal definition provided on Twitter.
@Emanemxdd #RAEconsultations «Demisexual» is used to refer to someone who only feels sexual attraction to someone with whom they have an emotional connection.
— RAE (@RAEinforma) July 8, 2015
The demisexuality It is another way of living sexuality, which is established from an emotional point of view. It is considered a sexual orientation within the asexual spectrum.
Demisexual people do not experience sexual desire if they do not have a bond with that person: love, trust and closeness, emotional union, intimacy, serious relationship…
They don't feel desire at first sight because of physical appearancesex appeal, or any other characteristic that in general terms can attract attention. But that does not mean that that person will never captivate them: if an emotional bond is created with that person that did not attract them at first, they can feel a great sexual attraction.
The fact that there is a union does not guarantee that sexual desire will occur, but is only a condition for it to happen. When you achieve that bond and manage to connect on another level, you will experience carnal desire.
Demisexual people don't know how long it will take until someone becomes sexually attracted to them: it can be weeks, months… and sometimes, it never happens.
The word demisexual comes from Latin and means half sexual. Its lexical components are dimidium (divided into two), sexus (sex), and the suffix -al (relating to). According to an article by TeleMadrid, only 1 in 10 Spaniards has heard of the term and knows its meaning.
Demisexuals can feel attraction to any human beingregardless of their gender. It is very important not to confuse demisexuals with people who experience withdrawal, nor with any other type of sexual orientation:
- Heterosexuals. They are attracted to people of the opposite gender.
- Homosexuals. They feel attraction to people of the same gender.
- Bisexuals. They are attracted to people of both genders.
- Asexuals. They do not feel sexual attraction towards anyone. Their relationship is based on other aspects and interests such as romanticism or cultural tastes.
Inside the asexual worldthey differ:
- Demisexuals. They do not feel sexual attraction without a strong prior emotional bond.
- Romantics. They have romantic relationships, but without sex.
- Aromatics. They do not feel the need to maintain romantic or sexual relationships. A good friendship satisfies them.
- Gray-A. Intermediate zone between asexuality and sexuality.
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What characteristics can demisexual people experience?
- Honesty and commitment are much more important than sex, and they don't understand why people place so much importance on the act of sex.
- They need to feel love before having sex, and they don't consider sex as something necessary.
- They have no interest in one-night stands.
- They hardly show affection, much less flirt with people they just met.
- Small or insignificant details attract a lot of attention.
- For them, it is not easy to talk about dating.
- The need to feel emotional connection can make relationships difficult.
Demisexuals sometimes feel loneliness and lack of understanding from those around themas if something inside them were not working properly. Fortunately, this minority sexual orientation is beginning to gain greater recognition worldwide, especially on social media, where they are gaining visibility.
They offer answers for themselves and their environments, and are supported by movements such as AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network), associations such as the DCR (Demisexuality Resource Center), or influencers, such as YouTuber Juan Pablo Jaramillo.
The Canadian psychologist Anthony Bogaert conducted a study in 2004. The result was that 1% of the population was asexual. This professor assured that many of them were demisexual but did not know it. 11 years later, psychologists Ramírez Bermúdez and Lugones Botell stated after their research that 5% of the world's population was asexual. This indicates that less than 5% are demisexual, although, as these studies reflect, over the years these numbers are increasing.
The demisexual flag
The AVENa network dedicated to providing information about the asexual spectrum, has given graphic representation to the demisexual collective. The flag is made up of a black triangle (in relation to the asexual spectrum), a white stripe (corresponds to sexuality), a violet (sense of community) and another in grey (representation of demisexuality and greysexuality).
The triangle refers to the theory of Kinsey, a biologist who established seven different degrees of sexual behavior in the 1950s, when traditionally only heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality were known. It is celebrated on October 26, Asexuality Day, which, as we saw before, includes demisexuality although it is not the same.