When we are in a relationship, arguing and having fights is normal. In fact, if there is no argument, worry.
The discussions They are not completely negative as they make us think. since in those moments we can get to know facets of ourselves that we didn't even know about, or even reactions from our partner that we hadn't seen yet.
However, The risk of these differences can sometimes become walls that cause distancing. in the couple and especially, if there is no reconciliation.
5 tips to follow when arguing with your partner
– Take a break for a while
In all discussions, and more so when they are serious, There comes a time when we raise our voices abruptly or make unconstructive comments. that we later regret, in short, we enter a loop of saying negative things to each other.
If you pause You can get away from negativity that is causing you to argue and think in a more rational way.
It doesn't mean that you should go a few days without talking to him, A few hours or just a moment in which you distract yourself doing other things will be enough to calm you down.
When you talk again, you'll both be more relaxed, you'll have thought things through better, and you won't say the first thing that comes to mind.
– Leave pride behind and take the initiative for reconciliation
If the reason you don't work things out with your partner is because you expect him to come to you and make the first move, let me tell you that you can put pride aside and get closer to yourself.
You can start apologizing for your behaviorfor what you have done or for having spoken badly to him when you were in the middle of an argument. By doing so, Your partner will most likely feel comfortable and make amends by asking you for forgiveness as well.
It is a time when you should prioritize what is important over what is secondary in the relationship.
– A hug can do anything
Many times After an argument we don't know what to say. Whether it's because we've said enough to ourselves or for any other reason. The thing is that the words just don't come out. At that moment, if we put pride aside for a while, A good option to get closer to your partner can be to give him or her a hug.
It is a very easy gesture and will make you reconnect with your partner, You will feel the same emotions and everything that has happened will be forgotten. at least for a moment.
Even if the other person is angry and doesn't want to talk to you, a hug always solves things.
It is recommended Don't do it right away after arguing Since everything is so recent, it is most likely that the other person will reject the hug.
– Rules for resolving the fight
You can agree with your partner on some Basic principles of action in an angry situation so that together you can manage this type of situation based on those rules that you have established.
If you both collaborate in carrying out this practice, it is very likely that you will internalize it through experience.
– Improve your attitude
Something we all do (and wrong) is to never admit where we have failed. After an argument, We have a habit of focusing on the other person's behavior and not our own. Therefore, if we want there to be reconciliation, It is best for each member to increase introspection to gain assertiveness.
You have to be able to Increase your level of active listening to pay attention without judging what your partner tells you, even if it doesn't match your own thoughts.
In order to improve our attitude we must stop trying to always be right. In a discussion there is not always a single reality, The two points of view can be complementary. If you want to know what the other person thinks, you have to listen.
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What you should not do after a fight with your partner
There are many things that we do wrong, and the worst thing is that, even if we know it, we continue doing it. For this reason, below, I am going to show you actions you should not take into account after (or in the middle of) the discussion.
- Remembering matters of the past: If you do, you will feel overwhelmed because you will no longer be arguing about just one thing, but about many more, since if we remember negative issues from the past, nothing will be resolved.
- Say everything we think: There are people who believe that sincerity means saying everything that comes to mind, however, this is not the case. There are things that it is better to keep quiet before saying them because sometimes we can hurt the other person without realizing it. If you want to say something, always support it with ideas.
- Blaming your partner as if he or she were responsible for the argument: In an argument, both partners are almost always to blame, not just one. That's why you shouldn't blame him alone, as this will make things worse and there will most likely be no reconciliation.
- Treat him as if he were indifferent: This mistake is one of the most common after an argument. The worst thing about adopting such an attitude is that it ends up becoming a habit for the person and they use it to hurt and make the other person feel guilty for everything that has happened.
- Talking about the argument to your parents or friends: You are unconsciously trying to get them to take your side, which is quite uncomfortable for them because they probably don't want to get involved in your affairs. Besides, telling them what happened will only expose the couple's own privacy.
Things you learn after an argument
Arguing with your partner and then making up is the key to learning. Although it may seem untrue, after an argument you always learn thingsabout your character, about what your partner doesn't like, about what she is like with you when she gets angry, etc.
You have to view arguments as an opportunity to advance your relationship, not as a problem. When there is a fight, you can put resources into practice. If you avoided all arguments, you wouldn't be able to do it.
The two of you have collaborated to be together and to get to that point of the fight, therefore, You both have to give in, lose your pride and reconcile.In every argument there is a reconciliation.
Remember that A couple is made up of two, not one.If you treat each other as individuals, you will not be able to be honest or reach an agreement. Sharing your opinions is the goal.
As I have already mentioned, arguments are normal in a relationship, since if there are none, it is a cause for concern. A relationship in which there are no differences is not solid enough to last a long time.
Think that in a fight You don't have to always ask for forgiveness or forgive at the slightest opportunity.. Many times in discussions we say destructive things to each other, we humiliate each other, etc. When that happens, it is better to take some time to think about everything and then be able to forgive.
Remember that a fight is between two
Normally, when faced with an argument, Both members are somewhat to blame. Even if one has more or was the cause of the fight, when we argue with someone We often lose our temper and end up saying things we shouldn't. Therefore, both are to blame.
When you reflect after arguing, keep this in mind, don't think that you are not to blame for anything. If you both do this, your perspective will change and the way you see the problem will change as well. You will both be sorry and complement each other perfectly.
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