What is anxious attachment and how to overcome it – Online Psychologists

He Attachment is an emotional and affective bond that develops in our first years of life and that we establish with our care figure or primary caregiver.

This bond between a child and his primary caregivers provides him with a sense of peace and securitybut if it does not develop positively it can affect you in the future and create insecurities and fears.

Attachment is directly related to our personality, as well as our way of relating to others and with our ability to manage emotions.

Attachment theory is a model created by several psychologists in the 1960s. Its purpose was to help describe the way in which babies and adults connect with others on an emotional level.

According to this theory, we establish an attachment pattern during our childhood based on how the primary caregivers satisfy our needs during that stage.

Furthermore, the psychologists in charge of developing this theory, assure that the type of attachment that we receive during childhood influences our development as adults.

Although the type of attachment received during childhood does not explain everything about our relationships and who we are, the truth is that it does influence some aspects such as the ability to communicate our emotions or needs and how we respond to a conflict.

Anxious attachment is characterized by the constant need for contact and is related to childhood experiences with our caregivers. They were probably figures who expressed affection but had a way of acting unpredictableso people who experience anxious attachment prioritize bodily sensations.

But what is the reason for this? Mainly because these people have had a caring figure without resources and unable to invest in raising children.

These types of experiences during childhood cause people with anxious attachment to alternate between anger and submission in their daily lives and to be ambivalent.

People who suffer from anxious attachment have a series of characteristics:

Although psychologists and researchers aren't sure what causes a person to develop a particular type of attachment, they say that behavior and the way our parents or caregivers treated us during childhood can play a role.

In the case of anxious attachment, it is common for people who experience it to have had a inconsistent care figure and almost zero.

These types of behaviors contribute to a child's development in adulthood and can contribute to him or her becoming an insecure person.

People who suffer from anxious attachment have very intense relationships and rarely feel calm, only when they are in contact with the other person.

They are not necessarily controlling people, but the truth is that they feel a constant need to be in contact with the other person or know what you are doingwhich leads them to display certain controlling behaviors. And that is what usually leads them to seek help from an online psychologist in .

As we have already mentioned, people with anxious attachment have little tolerance for uncertainty and they need to spend a lot of time with their partner, as well as physical contact.

In addition, it is common that when they do not receive the contact they need, they appear negative thoughts and they enter into a spiral of toxic thoughts that prevents the proper development of a relationship.

They often have intrusive and recurring thoughts such as «he's going to leave me», «he doesn't love me anymore», «the same thing always happens to me». What is the reason for this? They have many expectations placed on the other person and their relationship, they expect to receive a lot and feel frustration easily. In addition, the constant fear of abandonment makes them doubt all the actions and reticences of the other person, no matter how small.

Due to the type of attachment received during their childhood, they are people who long for deep love, but at the same time They feel distrust easily, so they end up creating bonds based on insecurity.

That insecurity can cause them to have possessive behaviors and try to hold on to your partnerbut this is counterproductive behavior, because they end up pushing her away.

In most cases, the way an anxiously attached person acts attracts avoidance styles and inadvertently confirms their fears of abandonment and rejection. Therefore, seeking professional help and going to therapy is key for people with anxious attachment to establish healthy and satisfying bonds.

The good news is that there are a number of strategies or tips you can follow if you experience anxious attachment and want to overcome or cope with it.

Here are some tips to overcome anxious attachment that you can apply yourself. But, if you need a little help, remember that at we can help you with videoconference therapy. Make an appointment to find out how we can help you in a free consultation.

It is important that you carry out a work of understanding and analyze your behavior and the why of this. Most people who have anxious attachment feel a need for affection and attentionIf this is your case, don't be afraid and accept it, you will have a healthier relationship once you accept what you feel.

Once you have identified and accepted what is happening to you, express it. This way you will be able to forge healthy bonds that are free from childish behavior.

Communicating with your partner is key to making them aware of your attachment type and being able to empathize with your thoughts.

One of the problems that can cause anxious attachment is a lack of self-esteem. If a person feels insufficient and even insignificant, you may believe that everyone you care about will walk away, thus reinforcing the fear of abandonment.

Work on your self-love and remember that you are enough, if someone decides to leave it doesn't mean it's your fault.

As we have mentioned, anxious attachment is related to the treatment received during childhood, so it is important that you review your past and forgive those behaviors that were not appropriate in order to move forward.

In this way you will discover a lot about your behavior and about yourself, you will realize that your past has a lot to do with your way of acting and relating in the present.

Using mindfulness exercises such as meditation can help you regulate your emotions and behaviors.

It is important to have time for yourself and do those activities that we like and give us pleasure. space is fundamental In a relationship, remember that you don't have to do everything together and that time alone can also be rewarding.

Finding a psychologist who helps and understands you is essential. They can become your best tool, guiding you through the process of anxious attachment.