One of the most painful questions that people face sooner or later is: «Why doesn’t he love me the way I love him/her?»
Our sentimental upbringing, almost always based on Hollywood romantic comedies, has taught us that if we try hard enough, sooner or later we will make our love triumph over adversity. However, in real life things unfortunately do not work that way. When a person does not want to have a relationship with us, no matter how much we insist, there is practically nothing we can do to convince you otherwise. And this is a very difficult and painful thing to accept, so we hold on and waste time and energy until we get really hurt.
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The most terrible thing is that when we have finally understood, after much suffering, that it is best to walk away, we convince ourselves that we should not fall in love again so as not to get hurt again. But this is as absurd as insisting on eating something that we know is bad and after getting sick swearing that we will never eat anything again. Love does not have to be painful, we do it that way when we don’t know when to withdraw and that moment almost always begins with the question «why doesn’t he love me?». It doesn’t matter if it’s our partner of many years or someone we just started dating, as soon as the other person has decided that they don’t want to be with us there is nothing we can do but accept it.
But how?
The first step is to ask ourselves why we insist on a relationship that obviously has no future. Is it a recurring pattern? How is it similar to my past relationships? Does love always go wrong for me or do I always do the same? Based on these questions we will be able to assume our share of responsibility: I don’t suffer because that person doesn’t love me, I suffer because I’m clinging to that person loving me. See how it’s different? The problem is that we mistakenly believe that love should always be reciprocated and that loving someone is enough to make them love us back, but this is absolutely false. You can love without being loved and admitting it is not easy. The good news is that after having admitted it, we will be able to leave in peace and, above all, to let go lovingly and without rancor.
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