Who you are is defined by what you are willing to fight for.
(Mark Manson)
There are a large number of self-help books on the market. People have always sought to know more about how to feel better or how to be better. However, it seems that nowadays everything revolves around that. Not bad; what seems illogical is that in a world where you apparently have the possibility to do infinite things, you feel bad because you don’t have this or that or because you have too much stress.
Most self help books tell you to focus on all the positive things in your life, that you are worth a lot and never change. To some extent this is true, but not everything can be full of positivism. There are even studies that indicate that being positive all the time may not be beneficial. You also need to realize those dark things about yourself and the world; As Carl Jung said, there can be no light without darkness.
The title of this book could seem somewhat aggressive and make you understand that nothing should matter to you. Well, it’s not like that. What the author, Mark Manson, is referring to is that you should give importance to the things that really need it. The rest is unnecessary worry..
Today’s culture doesn’t help much. It is always about having more, being happier, having more money, experiences, material possessions, friends, and so on. But rarely does one talk about values, the family (the nucleus of society) or empathy with others. Everything is more and more. The curious thing is that it continues to be an empty society, with high rates of disorders such as anxiety and depression. Clearly, there is a problem. This current approach is not ideal.
As a result, you become addicted to falsehood, constantly pursuing superficial things.. This creates temporary ups and downs, instead of true happiness. You end up frustrated and feel like you fall short of what you see on all your friends’ social media. Or rather, you develop the belief that you have the right to always feel good. Of course you do, but not always, life will never be all peace and love and you have to be able to face the difficult moments.
Success, fame and fleeting self-improvement do not lead to satisfaction. The key to a happy and meaningful life is to give less importance to things that don’t require it and focus on what is valuable to you..
So this book is intended to help you:
- Clarify what is important to you and what is not.
- Realizing that when you give less importance to things that don’t require it, your life will change for the better.
- Understand that it’s okay to feel bad or for things to go wrong.
- Accept that pain is inevitable and you can decide to use it as a catalyst to get better.
- Learn to worry about less things.
If you are interested in reading The subtle art of not giving a shit about (almost everything)you can find it at this link.
How can you give less importance to things?
Of course, what Manson proposes is not easy at all, much less if you go round and round in your thoughts and tend to worry more about almost everything. Start small and don’t give up. Everything takes its time.
First of all, you must understand that you may misunderstand what it means to be truly happy and not fleeting happiness. Contrary to what society says, happiness is not something you get when you achieve certain things. Being unhappy and not feeling satisfied is also a part of life. Everything has a balance, so you can’t always stay positive. Real happiness happens when you solve problems and challenges. It is an action that takes place every day.
You must also understand that you cannot identify with your emotions. While they are there to give you feedback, don’t let them become who you are. Emotions are part of life, but not its entirety.
Mark Manson points out that today’s society dictates certain values that, rather than helping you, can lead you to feel much worse.
Pleasure – It’s part of life, but it’s not enough to be happy. If you get carried away by superficial pleasure, you may end up with problems such as obesity or addictions. It is a value that gets in the way of your relationships, because you become selfish by seeking only to satisfy your pleasure.
material success – People often base their self-esteem on what they own or how much money they earn. But the acquisition of more wealth provides less and less satisfaction, once your basic needs are met. Also, when wealth/success is prioritized over deeper values, you may become superficial.
always be right – Many studies show that you can’t always be right. If you seek all the time to be right, then there will surely come a point of frustration. Likewise, if you don’t accept your mistakes, you will never be able to learn from them.
stay positive – of course it has benefits, but it is not healthy to deny reality when it is bad, or to repress negative emotions. Sometimes life sucks. Being constantly positive is a way to avoid problems instead of solving them.