Loving relationships are complex and so diverse that just as there are couples who are and remain deeply in love, others lose that feeling over time, and some others are united for various reasons (custom, attachment, fear of loneliness, convenience), but not out of love, as it possibly never existed in their relationship.
From the outset, if you have any doubts about whether or not you love your partner, it may be the first indication that love is not what keeps you together.
These are some signs that help you discover when you are not really in love with your partner, so that you look for a way to improve the relationship or decide to end it, so that both of you can look for a person with whom love does arise and they can be really happy.
1. Words of love feel forced.
When you really love someone, words of love come naturally and it seems impossible to stop saying them. Even the most deadpan people find a way to show their affection and let their loved one know how much they are loved.
On the other hand, when it is not love that unites you with a person, the «I love you» feel forced and become words that you «must say», but that in reality do not mean anything to you. It may be that you only say it when your partner does, or because you think that’s how it should be in every relationship, but not because you really mean it.
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2. You continue to use apps to flirt
If you love your partner, you don’t need these types of applications, since that person has your full attention. But if they are still present on your cell phone and you still use them, it is most likely that deep down you are not comfortable in your relationship, you do not see a future or falling in love simply has not happened.
Maybe you should reconsider whether or not you want to stay in the relationship and be honest with the other person so you don’t hurt their feelings or waste their time.
3. Your partner is not present in your thoughts and activities
It is not that the person you love is on your mind all the time or that your actions are always based on it, but when you are in love, your partner occupies a good part of your thoughts, appears in your conversations and you always give yourself time to call her, write to her or prepare some detail that will make her smile.
If, on the other hand, your work, activities with your family or friends, or anything else makes you forget about that person all day and you don’t even give yourself a moment to say hello, it is very likely that it is because You don’t love her, because no matter how busy you are, there is always time to dedicate to that special person.
4. When your plans do not include your partner
It is true that it is necessary for the members of a couple to maintain their individuality, but it is also important that joint plans exist and, especially if it is a long-term relationship, that both are present in the plans to future of the other
It is normal and very healthy for couples to maintain their friendships and individual activities and to do things separately, but if you always avoid taking your partner with you and prefer to do everything by yourself, it could be due to a lack of love. People in love are often best friends and want to experience life together at least some of the time.
And if all your future projections focus only on you, your plans and interests and you don’t visualize your partner in them, or you don’t mind losing that person in order to achieve them, it may be that you don’t see that relationship in the future, but only like something temporary. In this case, be sincere and avoid deluding your partner with plans and promises that you know will not happen.
5. You argue about everything or you don’t argue about anything
When everything your partner does or doesn’t do or say annoys you, and you end up in a big argument even over unimportant things, it may be because you are unconsciously looking for a reason to break up.
When you’re really in love, little things don’t bother you as much, and even when they do, you learn to let them go or work through them quickly so your relationship doesn’t fall apart over something unimportant.
On the other hand, arguing is a necessary part of relationships in order to reach agreements and resolve problems and differences between the two. When everything doesn’t matter to you and you give up to your partner just to avoid conflict, it may be because you don’t really care enough about the relationship to resolve the problems.
Loving couples look for ways to resolve their problems and disagreements, even if it means having arguments from time to time, so they can grow and learn together. If this is not important to you, it may be because you are not in love.
6. Your flaws outweigh your qualities
It is true that you are not going to love absolutely everything about a person, but if you always see the worst side of your partner and in your eyes their defects weigh much more than their virtues, it is most likely that you are not in love. Love makes you learn to tolerate certain defects, as long as they do not affect your well-being and that of the relationship.
The situation worsens when, in addition, you don’t miss an opportunity to complain to others about your partner’s flaws and everything that bothers you about them. When the image you give of that person to your family and friends is totally negative, that is definitely not love.
If you identify with one or more of these points, it is best that, first of all, be honest with yourself and decide whether or not you want to continue in that relationship. And you must also be honest with your partner, so that they do not create false expectations that could hurt them.
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With information from Bolde