Can you recall a really good conversation you’ve had?
What was memorable about it?
Was it the topic, the words, or just a feeling it left you with?
Maya Angelou said,
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
rooster, 2014
This quote describes the essence of positive communication. Besides leaving an impression on the listener, positive communication provides health and wellness benefits for the speaker (Pitts & Socha, 2013).
Positive communication also “yields the potential to inspire people to achieve higher moments, greater good, and to act selflessly” (Pitts & Socha, 2013, p. 3).
Let’s take a closer look at positive communication.
Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free. These science-based tools will help you and those you work with build better social skills and better connect with others.
What Is Positive Communication?
Dale Carnegie (1998, p. 137) stated, “if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart from him.”
Positive communication “is not defined as the absence of negative verbal and nonverbal communication, but rather the presence of positive, enhancing, and facilitative talk and gestures” (Pitts & Socha, 2013, p. 1).
“Positive communication is unique in its ability to generate physical, social, and psychological health and wellness” (Pitts & Socha, 2013, p. 3). It is conceptualized as “relational communication facilitative of happiness, health, and wellness” (Pitts & Socha, 2013, p. 1).
Positive communication incorporates many of the concepts associated with positive psychology. Three of these concepts help create the structure from which to build the study of positive communication (Pitts & Socha, 2013):
1. Positive emotions
This includes emotions such as contentment, well-being, and satisfaction about past experiences; flow, ecstasy, and happiness in the present; and hope and optimism about the future.
2. Positive traits
This domain offers information on the individual strengths and virtues and extends to talents and natural abilities.
Traits such as resilience, forgiveness, optimism, self-esteem, self-efficacy, and hope contribute to the individual’s wholeness bank, formulating a well from which to cull the resources needed to build healthy communication skills. These traits offer strength in tough times and various situations.
3. Positive institutions
The final lens through which we analyze positive communication is through the study of positive institutions and communities. This includes places of work and leisure but also encompasses abstract entities such as family, democracy, and free press.
Woven together, these concepts provide a foundation for the art of positive communication.
The potential for positive communication to foster relational wellbeing is palpable through transformational interactions such as forgiveness and listening (Pitts & Socha, 2013).
Why Is Good Communication Important?
When we interact with a person who makes us feel loved or supported, oxytocin is released.
Building trust and creating social bonds also release oxytocin (Breuning, 2012).
This may explain why people are willing to work hard on communication, even when it’s difficult. When done skillfully, we are rewarded with a flood of happy hormones.
Speaking and listening are basic communication skills used daily that build connections with others. These skills help us process language so that we can interact with people.
“When we use these tools well, they help us create wonderful, growing, lasting relationships” (Leal, 2017, p. 15).
Bolton (1986, p. 7) calls our ability to communicate well a matter of life or death: “Our personality development and mental and physical health are linked to the caliber of our communication.”
Conversely, both Leal and Bolton lend their perspectives on the outcomes of poor communication skills.
Leal (2017) discusses the painful consequences of the lack of communication skills produced, such as fractured marriages, familial alienation, and workplace chaos.
Bolton (1986, p. 7) goes deeper, discussing how the lack of communication skills or frequent exposure to poor communication techniques “diminishes one’s selfhood both emotionally and physically.” He states that “low-level communication leads to loneliness and distance from friends, lovers, spouses, and children–as well as ineffectiveness at work” (Bolton, 1986, p. 13).
Positive communication “allows for a focus on what makes people feel good, what drives people to invest in good health behaviors, and what motivates people to live fully within the parameters of their personal health and life stories” (Pitts & Socha, 2013, p. . 3).
People in large networks and close relationships tend to be healthier, happier, and live longer than those in isolation or with negative relationships (Pitts & Socha, 2013).
Having provided a robust foundation for the importance of good communication, let’s move forward to investigate specific skills.
Positive Communication Skills: 3 Examples
Below are both verbal and nonverbal examples of positive communication that can enhance closeness and generate health and well-being.
verbal positive communication
listening
It’s not just about listening, but listening deeply and fully. According to Newberg and Waldman (2012, p. 142) you must “train your mind to stay focused on the person who is speaking: their words, tone, gestures, facial cues–everything.”
Furthermore, being fully listened to and understood is the most commonly cited communication value signifying depth in a relationship.
Pitts and Socha (2013) suggest that most people don’t have someone who will listen to them without judging them. They discuss a level of listening they call ‘listening between the lines,’ which is intuitive listening that includes listening for feelings, energy level, and tone of voice.
The next tool is closely related to listening.
Empathy
Empathy is essential when engaging in positive communication. Being able to demonstrate empathy appropriately is vital – relationship gold.
Skills that enhance empathic listening include (Leal, 2017):
- Quiet your mind to focus on the person speaking.
- Listen to them fully and openly.
- Listen through the words.
- Avoid interrupting them when they’re speaking.
- Use your own words to reflect back what you heard them say, including the emotional content of the message.
Nonverbal positive communication
Positive communication is identified by “the presence of positive, enhancing, and facilitative talk and gestures” (Pitts & Socha, 2013, p. 1).
When in conversation, it’s often easy to detect the commitment and interest someone has through nonverbal involvement behaviors, which are actions indicating our interest and excitement (Remland, 2009). This can be shown through eye contact, body and facial orientation, leaning toward, close distance, open body positions, and touch.
Other nonverbal cues that show involvement include facial and vocal expressiveness and relaxed laughter. Relaxation of the voice and posture and absence of nervous mannerisms can be included in this cluster of behaviors (Remland, 2009).
These nonverbal cues, along with positive reinforcers such as head nodding and smiling, high vocal energy, speech fluency, and illustrative gestures (Remland, 2009) signal to the speaker that we are committed and interested in what they have to say.
9 Techniques to Foster Positive Communication
One approach used to teach positive communication skills is the relationship enhancement (RE) approach, which focuses on conversation sharing, conflict resolution skills, and effective self- and other-changing techniques for enriching relationships (Pitts & Socha, 2013).
The method can be used to help clients express themselves, respond to the attitudes and needs of others, manage interpersonal issues skillfully, and solve problems promptly (Pitts & Socha, 2013).
In order to accomplish these relational milestones, the RE approach (Pitts & Socha, 2013, pp. 150–151) encourages the study and practice of skills, such as:
- Empathic (listening)
- Expressive (speaking)
- Discussion–negotiation (conversing)
- Problem–conflict resolution
- Self change
- Helping others change
- Teaching or facilitation
- generalization
- Maintenance skills
Although all these skills are important to the practical application of positive communication, we discuss only a few here:
Empathic listening
When listening, it’s paramount to focus all your attention on the other person and demonstrate appropriate nonverbal mannerisms. This is also a good time to focus on emotions, perceptions, needs, or wants (Pitts & Socha, 2013).
Leal (2017) believes preparation for empathic listening starts with empathic awareness:
- Recognize the inherent value and dignity of yourself and the other person.
- Foster a desire to want to listen and relate to the other person.
- Think of the other person in a positive light.
Humility resides in these components.
expressive speaking
Pitts and Socha (2013) recommend responding empathically to the other person before expressing your own wants, needs, or feelings. Furthermore, using assertive statements when sharing your own perceptions, needs, wants, or feelings enables communication transparency and builds trust.
Newberg and Waldman (2012, p. 123) discuss compassionate communication and list strategies they believe should be adhered to consistently. They include:
- Express appreciation.
- Speak warmly.
- Speak slowly.
- Speak briefly.
- Listen deeply.
Discussion–negotiation conversation
Again, it’s important to express empathy first, take turns in the conversation, and view each other as conversational partners.
Problem–conflict resolution
Use the conversational skills previously detailed to discuss interpersonal needs and issues in order to arrive at an equitable, agreed-upon plan.
Best Strategies for Workplace Communication
According to Pitts and Socha (2013, p. 208), “employee wellbeing is in the best interest of the employer.” Furthermore, one of the main contributors to the wellbeing of employees is their capacity for effective communication.
Many organizations require interpersonal and team communication for organizational efficiency and effectiveness.
Goleman (1998) provides solid strategies for positive workplace communication using the context of emotional intelligence skills.
Employees with the following skills provide unique value in the workplace.
- Emotional awareness
This person knows what they’re feeling and can explain why they are experiencing the emotion. They are also aware of their goals and values. - self control
Self-controlled employees are able to manage their inappropriate impulses. They stay composed and can think clearly under pressure, which is invaluable when crucial incidents occur. - trustworthiness
This team member is steady and above reproach. Trustworthiness is one of the most important factors for building bonds and effective teams. - understanding others
This interpersonal skill is essential for positive communication. Individuals with this skill are adept at reading nonverbal cues, sensitive to others, and good listeners. They can understand what others are feeling and need. - communication
This person handles difficult conversation straight forward. They…