that love – that divine and mysterious substance that runs through the universe from end to end – materializes at the moment of falling in love, it is a miracle. Because there are few more complex and difficult things to achieve than awakening love or falling in love with someone. And this applies to all times and eras of humanity.
That is why much has been thought about falling in love, from the most varied disciplines. What is? How does it happen?
Literature has its own answers. The writer Stendhal defined the process of love in a treatise called of lovewhere he assured that it ends with a crush which he called, metaphorically, crystallization: the moment from which the other is seen full of «sparkling diamonds» that is, virtues. Still, at Stendhal there is always doubt whether we love or whether we are loved, and the metaphor continues in his treatise, because crystals can break.
But the truth is that love is a decision, and as such it can be more under our control than we think. It is not a question of treatises, guides or recipes, but of weaving some intimate psychic ties, as contemporary psychology has discovered.
The psychologist Arthur Aron, from Stony Brook University, has worked for years on methods of falling in love. These can really help us know if we are in love or if they are in love with us, and have even made it possible for complete strangers to fall in love, as Aron himself verified 20 years ago.
The method has not changed much. There are 36 questions divided into three sets, before which the couple must see each other’s eyes for 4 minutes. If you don’t get a completely clear answer, at least one thing is certain: in the time it takes to test, incredible intimacy is generated. And perhaps it is from here that love arises.
We leave you the 36 questions, in case you want to put them to the test. Each set must last at least 45 minutes, and both participants must answer all the questions, which can be interspersed to be said aloud.
Set I
1. If you could choose anyone in the world, who would you invite to dinner?
2. Would you like to be famous? How?
3. Before making a phone call, do you rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. For you, what would a perfect day be like?
5. When was the last time you sang alone? And for someone else?
6. If you could live to be 90 years old or have the body or mind of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which of the two options would you choose?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you are going to die?
8. Say three things that you think you have in common with your interlocutor.
9. What aspect of your life do you feel most grateful for?
10. If you could change one thing about how you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take 4 minutes to tell your partner the story of your life in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow enjoying a new skill or quality, what would it be?
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you ask?
14. Is there something you have wanted to do for a long time? Why haven’t you done it yet?
15. What is the greatest achievement you have achieved in your life?
16. What do you value most in a friend?
17. What is your most valuable memory?
18. What is your most painful memory?
19. If you knew that in 1 year you were going to die suddenly, would you change something in the way you live? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. How important is love and affection in your life?
22. Share alternately five characteristics that you consider positive about your partner.
23. Is your family close and loving? Do you think your childhood was happier than the others?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
set III
25. Say three sentences using the pronoun “we”. For example, “we are in this room feeling…”.
26. Complete this sentence: «I wish I had someone to share with…».
27. If you were to become a close friend of your partner, share with him or her something that would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you liked best about him or her. Be very honest and say things to her that you wouldn’t say to someone you just met.
29. Share with your interlocutor an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When was the last time you cried in front of someone? And alone?
31. Tell your interlocutor something that you already like about him.
32. Is there anything that seems too serious to make jokes about it?
33. If you were to die tonight with no chance to talk to anyone, what would you regret not telling someone? Why haven’t you told him until now?
34. Your house catches fire with all your possessions inside. After saving your loved ones and your pets, you have time to do one last raid and save a single item. What would you choose? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, which death would you find most painful? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your interlocutor to tell you how he or she would have acted to solve it. Also ask him how he thinks you feel about the problem you have told.
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