Astrologers are always eager to talk to people about the good things about their signs, but not so much about the bad. Fortunately, I am not your average astrologer.
If there’s one thing I love more than clean sheets and chocolate bars, it’s serving up the dark side of the Zodiac.
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So what is the guilty pleasure of each zodiac sign? Let’s break it down.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
You like to pretend you don’t care what people think, you busy, vibrant little Aries, you. But somewhere deep inside you want others to see, acknowledge and yearn for your awesomeness.
That’s why you have a secret Tinder account. You don’t swipe right to meet someone, you swipe right to make sure your awesomeness is fully appreciated.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
You know when people talk about nasty and rowdy internet commenters? They’re talking about you, Taurus.
You don’t like to draw attention to yourself, but you can’t help but get a bit of wicked pleasure from causing a ruckus… albeit anonymously. You would never vote for Will Smith or Chris Rock, but you have no problem arguing on Twitter with people who are against anyone online.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Gemini, you are the perfect party guest. You love to be in contact, to communicate, to be part of the scene. You bring life to every event you attend, and the powers that be love you for it.
That’s why your guilty pleasure is to disconnect. He turns off his phone, leaves the iPad at home, and heads out in his car for a private adventure for a party of one.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Cancers are the mothers of everyone they meet. They are not just home people: home and family are their LIFE.
It’s hard to get a Cancer to take a night off, but if you shower him with pink and put someone else in charge of planning a night out so he can shake his booty on the dance floor, even if he’s upset, he’ll thank you. you for that
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
You are the shining star of the zodiac and there is nothing you love more than a fancy night out. But if you’re feeling bored with this routine, it’s time to indulge yourself and visit your local joint.
Sure, there’s no bottle service, but this new dive gives you a whole new crowd of people to impress.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Virgos are very hardworking. They can’t help it. Nothing makes them happier than crossing an item off their to-do list. They have approximately 800 accrued vacation days from work.
Your guilty pleasure? Actually, take one of those sick days and have a spa day at home. Bring on the bubble bath and the chick flicks, the to-do list can wait until tomorrow.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
You, lovely Libra, are all about balance (you know, scales and all). You spend so much time making peace and focusing on others that it’s time to take some time and think only of yourself.
The best way to do that? Start a Tumblr with your theme dedicated to all the things YOU love. Follow this up with a bloody horror movie, because your peace-loving side needs a break.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
You’re a water sign, honey, and to make things even more complicated, your sign has a lot to do with sex and death. Your life is deep, dark and complex.
So it makes sense that your guilty pleasure involves a three-hour binge watching whatever great programming Bravo has to offer. Get shallow, it’s good for your pores.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
You are a creature of trends. Your weekends are always booked with things like factory tours of custom mustaches and the ultimate bar where you can buy something served in a mason jar.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
You are one of the working signs of the Zodiac. You walk on eggshells at work, so terrified of being fired.
But you’re delusional: everyone at work loves you. You will own the company before the year is out! The most guilty pleasure for you to indulge in? Take an extra hour at lunch and get a pedicure!
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
You are so worried about the future. It’s your life’s work, fighting the good fight and making sure the world is the best it can be. But that can also be exhausting.
When you’re pushed over the edge, there’s a surefire way to make yourself feel better. Take a dip in the past for once and enjoy something retro like skating on the rink. Bring childish joy!
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
You are the most compassionate sign of the Zodiac. You are an ear to your friends and often take them on before yourself.
You are sweet and kind and you are always in the middle of the social gathering. So let’s indulge in a little vice, like posting photos of your friends looking sloppy on Instagram.