The ideal first date of each zodiac sign

Depending on what you want from a first date, your list could be terribly simple or calculated and complicated.

There’s a good chance you’ll fall somewhere in the middle. And not all of us look for the same qualities in a date because depending on the zodiac sign we were born into, first date ideas vary greatly.

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Well, then, we’d better be specific. According to astrology, what makes an ideal first date?

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Once you’ve established if and when you’re going to have sex, you can sit back and look for the other qualities you might want in an ideal first date. As a hot-blooded warrior, you definitely want a challenge, a chase, and a victory.

Your ideal date is someone you feel like you might be holding prisoner, perhaps in a specialized dungeon of your own making.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

You, as an Aries, love sex, and sex is what makes a great first date for you. After it’s established that you’ll sleep together on the first date, consider the second date, which will have more of an emphasis on…well, sex. Which also makes for a great third date.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)

After thoroughly researching your prospective first date, you size them up, discover all of their weaknesses, and after agreeing to meet them, you don’t show up…because that’s who you are. In charge and ready to break hearts.

Your ideal first date is the perfect person who doesn’t exist.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Your ideal first date should be the polar opposite of the last person who broke your heart, meaning you have insanely high hurdles for someone else to jump over and prove their worth to you.

Ideally, if they prove themselves on date no. #1, you will most likely fall in love all over again.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Finding the right person who listens to you, pays attention to you, and asks very little in return is crucial to having an ideal date. An ideal first date for you, Leo, is an audience of one: entranced, adoring, ready.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

You’re already gone before you get there, and that’s what dating is like for you. Ideal? Sure, you want the ideal, but the ideal doesn’t exist, so you’re better off doing it with murder in your mind and hate in your heart.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

You only have one concern when looking for that ideal first date: you want your person to believe you, no matter what.

You’re looking for a co-conspirator, an ally, someone to back you up, even when you’re wrong. You want an asshole, and only a true self-hating asshole will do.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

Sex on a first date is ideal. Sex on a second date is unnecessary if there is no sex on the first date, mainly because there won’t be a second date for the Scorpio who doesn’t have sex on the first date.

Have you heard of Scorpio’s lustful sexual appetites? Yes, well, it’s true. To be prepared.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

The ideal first date for a Sagittarius is someone who can show that they are not a real bore. Sagittarius really wants imagination and stimulation; They have no patience for «regular» or «normal».

The ideal last date for Sagittarius would be with a person who thinks he is an alien and wants to return to his planet soon.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

You have a fantasy of having a first date with someone who is wild, free, and as crazy as you wish you were. However, you will only be looking for the conventional and the «normal» on a first date.

You dream of wild and crazy, but prefer someone predictable.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Your ideal first date would be covert, secret, and possibly made for adulterous motives. You don’t like dating unless there’s a threat involved, and ideally, your date would be married, ready to destroy their marriage for you, and vulnerable enough to believe any promises you make.

PISCES (February 19 – March 10)

Your ideal first date does it all, while you kick back and let them take the wheel. You dream of a day when you don’t always have to be the one in control. Oh, how nice it would be if someone else could be the one to do all the work!

Well, that’s what your first date will tell you: whether or not this person is ready to sign on to be your servant.