Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Your impulsiveness will be your downfall. Your lack of reflection and ease to prejudice and draw quick conclusions will do constant damage that will erode your relationships until they fracture. You must improve your sense of humor.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Nobody fumes like the Bull. You may be a normal and balanced person in your daily life, but my God, when does jealousy attack you? Everyone must be careful. If you can’t handle this NOW, your partner will probably take off during one of your infamous bouts of intense jealousy.
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Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
The idea of one alone forever is terrifying for Gemini. Honestly, you don’t think they made the person who can appreciate all of your different sides. If you don’t change this way of thinking now and learn how to deepen a relationship, you risk being alone forever.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Cancers are natural caretakers, which is lovely. But do you know what gets old really fast? The suffocating, overly needy, constantly insecure love of a Cancer. You think you’re showing him how much you love him and he wants to scream and run. Truly trust yourself or you will lose it and you will know that you suck at breakups.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Since you already think (sorry, «know») that you’re the smartest and best person in the room, it’s hard for you to be present in your relationships. How can you be when you’re constantly looking for someone better than the person you’re with? Learn to look a little closer at what you have, or it will be gone.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
It’s great that you like organization and impeccable living. Clean house, clear mind, or so they say. But when your partner feels like you’re following them around and picking up any hairs or skin cells they may be shedding, the relationship gets old FAST. Learn to allow a little clutter and love into your life. People by nature are messy.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Your honesty and love for love will bite you.
In a long-term relationship, you’re easily tempted by things like long-distance email affairs. But you know what else you love? The honesty. Then, of course, you tell your partner the truth, and of course they walk away.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Sex. Sex. Sex. You are a cheater! You don’t want to be a baddie, but it’s like the world is full of chocolate bunnies and for you, every day is Easter Sunday. If you can break this habit, great, good for you. If you can’t, consider a non-monogamous partnership and let your weird flag fly.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You love it when people laugh at your jokes or listen carefully to your stories. This would be fine if you knew your audience. But that anal beads joke you’ve been saving? Yeah, don’t drop it in front of your partner’s grandpa. You will be kicked off the property and out of the relationship.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Your ego will never NOT stand in your way. Because you are smart, neat, and organized, your partners love to trick you with compliments, kisses, and sexy moments. But if they dare to say anything less than a drooling compliment, you’re out the door.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
You are going to leave your current partner because you have not gotten over the one that got away. This «one» could be in jail for murder and it doesn’t matter. You fall in love strong and for life. It takes you decades to get over someone, and even then, a small part of your wonderfully charismatic heart will always be reserved.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces. You did it again. You fell in love with the wrong person. You opened up too quickly in your quest to find love and now this person is going to destroy you. I would hug you if there wasn’t an entire internet between us. Get up, dust yourself off, and wait a while before you blindly give your heart away.