Whether you’re trying to resolve a minor bug or one that affects all areas of your lifethe steps you need to take to forgive yourself will look and feel the same.
We all make mistakes sometimes. As humans, we are imperfect. The trick says Arlene B. Englander it is learn and move on from our mistakes. As painful and uncomfortable as it may seem, there are things in life that are worth putting up with the pain to move on, and forgiving yourself is one of them.
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1. Focus on your emotions
One of the first steps in learning to forgive yourself is to focus on your emotions. Before you can move forward, you need to acknowledge and process your emotions. Give yourself permission to acknowledge and accept the feelings that have been triggered in you and welcome them.
2. Acknowledge the mistake out loud.
If you make a mistake and continue to struggle to let it go, acknowledge out loud what you learned from the mistake, say Jordan Pickell.
When you give voice to the thoughts in your head and the emotions in your heart, you can release some of the burdens. It also imprints on your mind what you learned from their actions and consequences.
3. Think of every mistake as a learning experience.
Englander says to think of every «mistake» as a learning experience that holds the key to moving forward faster and more consistently in the future.
remind us that we did the best we could with the tools and knowledge we had at the timeIt will help us to forgive ourselves and move forward.
4. Give yourself permission to put this process on hold
If you make a mistake but find it hard to forget about it, Pickell says to visualize your thoughts and feelings about the mistake by entering it into a container, such as a mason jar or box.
Later, tell yourself that you are putting this aside for now and will return to it as long as it benefits you.
5. Have a conversation with your inner critic.
Journaling can help you understand your inner critic and develop self-compassion. Pickell says that one thing you can do is write a «conversation» between you and your inner critic. This can help you identify thought patterns that are sabotaging your ability to forgive yourself.
You can also use journal time to make a list of qualities you like about yourself, including your strengths and abilities. This can help boost your self-confidence when you’re feeling down about a mistake you’ve made.
6. Warning when you are being self-critical
We are our worst critics, right? That is why Pickell says that An important action tip is to notice when that raspy voice comes in and then write it down. You may be surprised by what your inner critic actually tells you.
7. Calm negative messages from your inner critic
Sometimes it can be difficult to recognize the thoughts that get in the way of forgiveness. If you’re struggling to resolve your inner critic, Pickell suggests this exercise:
On one side of a sheet of paper, write what your inner critic (who tends to be judgmental and irrational) says.
On the other side of the paper, write a self-compassionate and rational response for each thing What did you write on the other side of the paper?
8. Make it clear what you want
If the mistake you made hurt someone else, you need to determine the best course of action. Do you want to talk to this person and apologize? Is it important to reconcile with them and make peace?
If you don’t know what to do, you can consider making amends. This goes beyond apologizing to a person you hurt. Instead, try to correct the mistake you’ve made. A study found that forgiving ourselves for hurting another is easier if we first make amends.
9. Take your own advice
It is often easier to tell another person what to do than to follow our own advice. Heidi McBain, licensed marriage and family therapist says ask yourself what would you say to your best friend if they shared this mistake? and then take your own advice.
If you’re having a hard time figuring this out in your head, it might help to play around with your supposed friend. Ask someone you trust to own up to your mistake. They will tell you what happened and how they struggle to forgive themselves. Use that instance to advise that person and tell them how to move forward. Then use those same arguments to tell them to you.
10. Stop looking like a broken record
It’s human nature spend time and energy reproducing our mistakes. While some processing is important, going over what happened over and over won’t allow you to take the proper steps to forgive yourself.
When you find yourself playing the «I’m a horrible person» tape, stop and focus on a positive action step. For example, instead of playing the tape, take three deep breaths or go for a walk.
Interrupting the thought pattern can help you move away from the negative experience. Reduces stress and anxiety.
11. Show kindness and compassion
If your first response to a negative situation is to criticize yourself, It’s time to show you some kindness and compassion. The only way to begin the journey to forgiveness is be kind and compassionate to yourself.
This takes time, patience, and a reminder that you are worthy of forgiveness.
12. Seek professional help
If you are struggling to forgive yourself, you may benefit from talking to a professional. McBain recommends talking to a counselor who can help you learn how to break these unhealthy patterns in your life and learn new, healthier ways to deal with mistakes.
Homework:
The forgiveness important to the healing processsince it allows you Let go of anger, guilt, shame, sadness, or any other feelings you may be experiencing, and move on.
Once you identify what you feel, give it a voice and accept that mistakes are inevitable. You will begin to see how liberating forgiveness can be.