It is normal for couples to argue, because you cannot agree on everything. However, there are certain phrases that are best avoided no matter how angry you are.
This was stated by a series of experts to Redbook Magazine, who propose to think twice before pronouncing one of these phrases that can cause significant damage to the relationship.
1. «Let’s finish.» In the middle of a heated argument, it is not uncommon for phrases like «let’s break up», «I never want to see you again», «I’m leaving forever» or «I want a divorce» to come to mind if you are married, when you don’t really want it.
After pronouncing this, it may not be so easy to reverse the situation, even if you apologize a thousand times. As explained by the family and marriage therapist based in Palm Beach (Florida, USA), Judi Cineas, who indicates that this also sows insecurity in the relationship.
two. «I’m not angry». Trying to ignore our emotions is a very common reaction to conflict, says Lisa Bahar, a marriage and family therapist in Newport Beach, California, USA.
The specialist explains that sometimes it is difficult to know why you are so upset, or it can feel silly to say it, especially when you have ignored the problem for a long time. If you feel like you can’t talk when you’re that angry, just take a break and talk when you’re calmer. You can even just let him know how confused you feel about a certain situation.
3. “You are just like your father or mother.” When you say this phrase to emphasize some defect or problem, you are taking a cheap shot. By comparing a person to their father or mother in a fight context, you are implicitly expressing that you no longer see the other as an individual, but as the projection of another. Also, you immediately put him on the defensive, as you are playing on his emotional ties and perhaps recalling some characteristic of his family that he was avoiding replicating.
Four. «You are an idiot/coward/expletive of choice.» Amy Johnson, Ph.D. in psychology from Detroit says that “name-calling is a definite sign that your emotions are coloring the situation to the point where nothing constructive will come of it. Fighting while you’re in that state is like fighting while you’re drunk, or drowsy.» Instead, it’s better to give yourself time to calm down before you undermine your partner’s self-esteem.
5. «Look, now the boy is angry, too.» If the baby cries while you are arguing, stop the fight, calm the baby down, and talk when things are calmer. If your kids are older, there’s nothing to be gained from denying an obvious argument. Instead, tell them that you are angry but still love each other.
6. «You did the same as last time.» Small disagreements turn into big arguments when past situations are brought up, says Cineas. “When you’ve forgiven someone for something, that means it can’t be used as ammunition in an ongoing disagreement,” he notes.
If you find that you are revolving around the same arguments, it could be a sign that you should do something different. If your partner always forgets to do something you ask him, it is not because he wants to fight, but because he has not noticed the problem that it causes, therefore, what you need is to make him see that situation instead of complaining.
7. «All of this is your fault». If you feel like something went wrong by following their advice, don’t take your anger out on your partner. It is best to analyze where the problem was so that it does not happen again. And if you feel that everything happened because he didn’t listen to your point of view, let him know, but accepting your responsibility too.
Related note: 5 signs that your partner is not happy, here.
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Have you regretted something you said during a fight with your partner?