It is no secret that a good part of psychological consultations focus on relationship problems. Even in individual therapy, romantic relationships play a leading role. In therapy, your relationship may come to light for various reasons: because things are going badly, because you want to break up, because you want to move on… And, also because perhaps you want to Help your partner and you don't know how to do it.
This is the case of Noel, who addresses us worried about his girlfriend's mental healthHe explains that he notices her as unmotivated and aimless. That, while he is moving forward, she seems to be going through life aimlessly. He also says that this lack of motivation is beginning to affect him on a personal level.
And, if that were not enough, Your partner's mental state also affects your relationship. You often hear her say, “I’m not okay and I don’t want you to be okay because of me” and “I feel like I can’t measure up because I’m not going through a good time and you are.”
Of course, he wants to help her, but he doesn't even know what's wrong with her. He doesn't know how to do it, or what he could say to her to make her see that things aren't as bad as he perceives them. If you also want to help your partner, but don't know how to do it, keep reading. We'll tell you how.
The best tips to help your partner
The couple is usually one of the most important sources of support during adulthood. You share a large part of your time, your experiences, your concerns with them…
You also share your problems with her. It is a sign that you have a strong bond. That Your relationship is built on transparency and mutual trust.
However, this also has its drawbacks. Your closeness facilitates empathy between the two of you and this can cause your partner's problems to affect you as well.
Your first impulse may be to walk away, to ignore the situation, in order to protect your emotions. However, you should know that there are some things you can do to help your partner feel better.
1- Let him express his emotions freely
It is common to hear how people differentiate between positive and negative emotions. However,Emotions are simply a natural way of reacting. in the face of the various events that make up life.
You should know that all emotions, including the «negative» ones, They fulfill a functionFear and nervousness, for example, prepare your body to escape potential threats. That's why the first step to helping your partner is to allow him or her to express his or her emotions without any censorship. Accepting negative emotions is the first step to letting them go.
But if you don't express them, you'll likely find yourself unable to stop thinking about them and will find yourself trapped in a loop that can be very difficult to get out of.
We find true strength in a relationship when we are able to help our partner not only in happy moments, but especially when they face difficult times.
Laura Rojas-Marcos
2- Practice empathy and active listening
Of course, it's not enough to just let them express themselves. If you want to help, then you'll have to listen to what he has to say. It is essential that your partner knows that you care about what they are saying. Often, when someone tells you a problem, they do not even do so with the intention of seeking a solution. They simply want to know that on the other side There is someone who understands your pain.
So if you're about to embark on a conversation about their emotions, set aside all other stimuli. Turn off the TV, leave your phone on the table and focus all your attention on your partner. If you like let him know you're listening can:
- Assent.
- Maintain eye contact.
- Repeat some phrases.
- Summarize some of the things he/she has told you, to check if you have understood them.
However, you should know that this close position is not just a pose. You have to be empathetic.
Don't try to downplay their feelings or make them see that their problems also affect others. Let him know that you understand him with gestures and words. Sometimes a hug is enough to show that you understand exactly how someone feels.
A psychologist is the perfect person to help someone who is having a hard time. However, if your partner is feeling unmotivated, it may be better to contact an online psychologist, as it will not require unnecessary travel.
Try a free session
Take care of your mental health and regain motivation with the professional help of a psychologist.
Make an appointment
3- Celebrate every small step
Dealing with a mental problem is not easyeven less so when there is no professional help. It is a complex processfull of ups and downs, of advances and setbacks. Perhaps at first you will feel that your willingness to help has made a difference, but do not fool yourself, just because there is progress doesn't mean there won't be setbacks.
Don't blame yourself for it, and certainly don't scold your partner. On the contrary, keep trying together and Celebrate every small step forward as if it were the final one.
If your partner perceives that you are proud of their progress, they will feel proud too and will be able to have a more positive visionSometimes, just seeing that someone trusts us is enough to make us start trusting ourselves.
So you know, celebrate the small victories and ignore the small defeats. No saying “but you seemed to be getting better.” You know what they say: If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything.
4- Avoid anger and blame
So little has been said about mental health for so many years that it can be truly difficult to understand the effect of mental health problems on those who suffer from them.
When someone is going through a rough patch, those around them may be tempted to blame them. Patients often come to therapy saying that their family members or partners say things like: «You're like this because you always take everything to heart» or «You're just not trying hard enough.»
It is important to avoid comments of this type. It's not your partner's fault that you're having a bad time. If there were a foolproof method to avoid mental health problems, the number of consultations would be empty. No one chooses to be ill.
Don't blame your partner, or even yourself, for not being able to help more. Bad times are part of life and it is necessary to assume it first in order to manage it later.
5- Try to see things differently
Some problems are characterized by distorting the perception of those who suffer from them. This is the case of depression. One of its characteristics is precisely to cause a negative view of reality.
If your partner is going through a bad time and you suspect that he or she might be experiencing a depressive disorder, you should know that cannot see reality objectively.
However, you can help your partner understand that things are not as they see them. The reality is right in front of you. It is up to you to convey it to them.
6- Talk about mental health normally
Talking about mental health in a normal way is not about making diagnoses without a psychological basis. Rather, it is about admit there is a problem that is affecting your lives.
You need to talk about your emotions, your feelings, and how you feel what is happening to you affects your relationship and yourselves. Not talking about a problem does not mean that it does not exist, quite the opposite. If you are able to talk about what happens to you, you will also be able to find solutions.
7- Help him seek psychological help
It is quite possible that all your help will not be enough to solve the problem that is affecting your partner. This is normal. There are problems that we cannot solve alone, no matter how hard we try. A psychologist, however, can do it.
Please note that Mental health professionals have the knowledge to understand what is happening to you. your partner. Once you understand, you can teach them techniques to accept and overcome this bad patch.
At we have been experts in online therapy since 2012. If you are looking for a professional who can help you move forward, we can help you.
In addition, we offer a First session free with which you can check if our services are suitable for you. To make an appointment, simply click on the button below and leave your query.