Social skills, learned naturally since we are young, are responsible for help us relate to others and express our emotionsHowever, acquiring these behaviors is not so easy for everyone.
What are social skills?
Slaby (1977) defines social skills as “the ability to interact with others in a way that a certain way that is socially accepted or valued and at the same time, personally beneficial or mutually beneficial”.
These types of skills are learned naturally from childhood. watching how others act and repeating itHowever, many times parents do not have these types of skills developed, making it much more difficult for a child to learn them.
Ultimately, these skills are verbal and non-verbal behaviors that are linked to the way in which we relate to each other with others.
They have maximum importance, since they are going to condition how we feel when we are with other people and they will make it difficult or easier to achieve our goals with other people.
It is proven that children and adults with poor social skills are more likely to have low self-esteem and suffering an anxiety attack in any situation that has to do with social contact.
Lack of social skills
The lack of these skills is seen in three ways according to psychologists:
In this case, the person He doesn't say what he thinks and remains silent because they feel they have no right to do so or they are afraid of the negative reactions others may have to what they say and that they may reject them. They are characterized by smile in awkward situations and be enemies of confrontationsThey always want there to be a good atmosphere and no arguments.
Although it may seem positive, having this Such passive behavior has a number of problems: The first is that these people usually have more and more lower self-esteem. On the other hand, it does not let itself be known by others because not expressed clearly and, furthermore, he feels that he is not important. Finally, by always avoiding confrontations each time They are more afraid and less able to cope to some fight or argument.
In this second case, the person He says everything he thinks without thinking about how it might make the other person feel.. He simply says through his mouth what he feels, always thinking about himself and never about if it can hurt the other. It is characterized by being Dominant and threateninguse a sarcastic tone and being very demanding.
The relationships that these types of people establish are usually based on dominance, i.e. relationships that go nowhere and they lack understanding and respect.
- Passive-aggressive behavior
The last case is a mix between the first and the second. The person usually keeps everything to himself and in a moment of anger says everything he thinks intermittently, without thinking about others. Basically, he holds on until he explodes because he can't take it anymore. When this happens the person tends to feel guilty and the others react negatively, so the idea of keeping quiet and not saying anything gets into their head, forming a bubble that will eventually burst as always.
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Assertiveness is the solution
Apai psychologists recommend social skills that are based on assertiveness, since this encourages the self-esteem because it takes into account other deeper emotional needs and represents mutual respect. It empathizes with people and is beneficial for everyone.
How are these skills learned?
As mentioned before, we learn social skills throughout our lives. our childhood in a totally natural way. They can be learned in two ways:
- Vicarious learning: We observe how they act the people around us (mother, father, brother, etc.) when faced with difficult situations, including the circumstances of these.
- Operant conditioning learning: We emit behaviors spontaneously. If we see that we do something and the other person feels bad, or gets angry with us, we will most likely not do it again. On the other hand, if we see that what we have done is good, we will continue doing it. In other words, it is a operant learning that is governed by consequences.
Techniques to train them
Psychologist Isabel Rovira Salvador recommends some techniques that we can use to improve our ability to interact with people. These techniques should not be followed in any particular order.are independent elements that can be extended, expanded and repeated.
There are five different techniques:
- Modeling: Formed by a Apprentice and a person with skills that the beginner wants to learn. The person performs some behaviors appropriately so that the learner repeats them.
This can be done in person or recorded. The essential thing is that the person teaching has the same features as the apprentice, that is, same age, gender…
The teacher must do these behaviors easy and close wayyou cannot do them in a very expert way, since this way you will demotivate the learner. In addition, The clearer it is, the more effective it will be.
- Behavioral essay: When the master has already done his work, the apprentice must carry out the actions you have learnedThey can be: real, the behavior is carried out in simulated contexts; covert, it is carried out through the imagination in the training place.
They are not exclusive, that is, you can do one first and then the other later.
The Participants do not have to be alonethe teacher can have a conversation with him whenever necessary in order to handle the situation. Other students can make auxiliary representations.
- Feedback: After the second phase, there must be a feedback period. This is given to the learner in the form of information on how the tests have been carried outin a concrete and specific way.
What he has done must be said goodfor reinforce the personlike what he has done evilso that it can improve.
This exchange of information must be done in immediate form or when the person is taking the test.
- Reinforcement: So that the person knows that he is doing well and have the strength to continue doing so In the same way, it must be reinforced in the future. In this case, there are two types of reinforcement: the materialwhich refers to tangible rewards, and the socialwhich refers to praise (usually the most valued).
After having administered these reinforcements, it is time for the intermittent reinforcement, which is the one that has the objective strengthen behaviors and maintain them over time.
- Generalization: The goal is for the person carry out these behaviors outside, in real lifeThere is no point in doing well in these training sessions if you are not able to do the same in reality.
Psychologists are responsible for help the person express his or her feelings whenever you want and in a suitable way. It also helps to reject some requests that the person does not want to makeordering in a bar or calling somewhere on the phone, asking whatever without feeling inferior, knowing how to criticize and receive criticism, starting conversations and carrying them out appropriately…
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