We live in a society that puts pressure on its members to achieve success at all costs. We see it on social media, on the news, on radio shows, even in education. Millionaires and entrepreneurs are exalted and people are encouraged to do everything possible to succeed. But this mentality, taken to the extreme, is not healthy, as it can lead to destructive self-demand.
What is self-demand?
First of all, it should be noted that Being self-demanding is not badThis is a characteristic of people who expect a lot from themselves.
Being demanding with oneself is positive and even necessary. It is a source of motivation, which It drives you to do things right and overcome yourself.
However, pressure can easily get out of hand and lead to destructive self-imposed demands.
And what about destructive self-demand?
When we talk about this type of self-demand we refer to a characteristic of those people who have such high expectations of themselves that they do not allow themselves to fail.
This feature denotes an absolute lack of flexibility. In the minds of overly self-demanding people, things have to be a certain way, and if that is not the case in reality, then they do not feel valid.
Have you ever come across a classmate who You need to have everything under control? A person who, if things don't go according to their plans, doesn't feel satisfied, even if the result is good? That is a clear example of this very negative quality, which can develop into problems such as anxiety.
The characteristics that make you too demanding
- Nonconformism.
- A unstable self-esteemwhich depends greatly on the outcome of the tasks you perform.
- Overestimation of one's own capabilities. This leads you to set unrealistic goals that increase your dissatisfaction.
- Negativitycaused by constant failures in trying to achieve these unattainable goals.
- Lack of analytical capacity, necessary to value the cost of achieving certain goals.
- Tendency to block.
- Critical spiritboth with themselves and towards others.
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Where does destructive self-demand come from?
There is no single reason why you might end up being overly demanding. As a general rule, The origin of destructive self-demand is found in childhood.
Childhood is a key stage in the formation of personality. The experiences, environment and influences we receive during this stage are what shape our way of being.
Traumatic events, complex experiences, lack of affection or misunderstanding are just some of the things that can turn us into people marked by destructive self-demands. Other reasons may ber:
- Attachment, understood as the bond that develops between parents and children during the first months of life. If parents are not present, if their presence is intermittent or if they are a source of mistreatment, children are likely to grow up with low self-esteem and think that they do not deserve affection. This perception of themselves can lead them to think that they need to be the best in order to receive love from others.
- The relationship with parents, such as having grown up with strict parents, who blamed you for your failures, but understood that your successes were «what you had to do.» It is also common for people who grew up with others to be demanding. parents who celebrated their triumphs excessively and that led you to believe that it was your successes that made you someone of value.
- Dependence on social media, that subject you to a constant bombardment of images of success and happiness that make you think that it is possible to have an ideal life.
- Your own valuesthat is, the importance you give to aspects such as money, good work performance, awards… If you put these characteristics above others such as mental health, tranquility or happiness, you can end up harming yourself in your attempt to be «the best version of yourself.»
Remember, being demanding is not bad. It is normal to want to be good at what we like, or at those tasks that take up a good part of our time. However, It is necessary to set limits and put your own health first. If your ambitions are creating mental problems for you, then it's time to change your perspective.
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